Doing Puck All on a Saturday Morning
by caromac
Summary: Chris and Jal spend the early - through to the later - hours of Saturday morning together. Chris / Jal. Spoilers for S2: "Chris". Sequel to "Coming Home on a Friday Evening."


**Title:** Doing Puck All on a Saturday Morning  
**Author: **puccafan  
**Characters / Pairing: **Chris / Jal  
**Spoilers: **S2, " Chris"  
**Summary: **Chris and Jal spend the early - through to the later - hours of Saturday morning together.  
**A/N: **A sequel of sorts to "Coming Home on a Friday Evening" but which can be read separately. Posted early because of the lovely feedback people have given. Hope this is alright. 

* * *

At 1:20 am on a Saturday morning Jal suddenly woke up. She didn't know what had woken her, so for a moment she laid still in the dark, listening out for any sounds; quite possibly Cassie bumping into something as she and some unknown male ( they were usually male ) stumbled towards her bedroom.

But Jal couldn't hear anything, and as her eyes attuned to the darkness she turned to her left to look at Chris's head, lain on the pillow next to her. He was asleep, quietly dreaming with his tie in his mouth. Jal rolled her eyes and lifting a hand, pulled it out gently from where Chris's teeth were clamped around it. Wiping it on the sheets and placing it where it should be, Jal noted that Chris - with the exception of his shoes - was still in his work clothes. She shifted a little making her jeans rub uncomfortably, and she realized that she wasn't changed either. They had just fallen asleep wearing their clothes. She hadn't been able to help it though. It had only been 8, but she had been dead on her feet -

" _Shit! "_

Sitting up poker straight in the dark Jal experienced a sudden surge of panic.

She barely noticed Chris blearily waking next to her, blinking and yawning. 

" What? Jal - what's going on?"

Jal turned to Chris and stared at him wildly. 

" What's the time?"

Chris rubbed a finger under his eye in order to see her better.

" I dunno - not the fucking talking clock Jal."

" Chris, my Dad's expecting me home at _11._ Where's my phone?"

Desperately looking around Jal realized she couldn't see anything in the darkness, and grappled for the light switch above their heads. 

" Jal, wait a minute. "

The lights flickered on and Chris winced in the glaring brightness. 

Jal was looking around, still unsuccessfully. 

" Where the fuck's my bag!"

Chris reached out and attempted to pull Jal back down. 

" Jal, it's alright. I texted your Dad on your phone - 

Jal's focus sharpened in on Chris. 

" You did _what?"_

" Jal, relax - I said you were staying over at Michelle's. "

Her forehead creased in confusion. 

" What?"

Chris sighed and spoke slower - as if that would make Jal understand. 

" He's not expecting you back." he explained, then smiled comfortingly. "No problemo."

As Jal looked at him Chris rubbed her arm placatingly, then slowly the confusion lifted, as she finally fully awakened. 

" Oh. "

She started to smile back at Chris - her mouth widening into a pleased grin - as her brain caught up with her. Relaxing she let herself be pulled down by Chris, praising him she did so. 

" Tres bien." 

Chris - who was still holding onto her shirt - began tugging on her collar, and clearing his throat he met her eyes hopefully. 

"Uh, so … you still sleepy then?"

Jal leaned towards Chris lying back on the bed, and smirked playfully. 

" I think I've recovered."

Chris drew in a breath. 

" Excellente."

As they both shared a smile and leaned in to meet each other, Jal begun to tug at Chris's tie, and as he pulled her down towards him she landed with a large oomph! and fit of giggles. 

* * *

By 1:53 am Chris and Jal were fully discarded of clothes and basking in a post-pucking glow. Jal was using Chris as a human pillow, and he in turn was using his finger to draw an imaginary game of noughts and crosses on her back. Unlike Chris, Jal wasn't ticklish at all. 

Tapping Chris lightly on the stomach with her fingers, Jal asked the question most couples opened with. 

" So - good day?"

Chris stuck out his bottom lip in consideration.

" Busy day."

" Good busy or bad busy?"

Chris grinned in fond recollection.

" Fucking excellent busy. I had to take Jon's calls 'cos he was ill. " Chris informed her happily. 

Below him Jal rolled her eyes. Although Chris couldn't see her, he could tell what she was doing by the way she moved her head and snorted softly. 

" What? " Chris questioned. " He's a - "

" Wanker." chorused Jal in time with Chris. 

He grinned wickedly. 

" Yeah and it gets better too - apparently he has diarrhoea. The boss told me. " Chris enthused, before adding in a thoughtful tone. "You know - I reckon he hates him much as I do."

" Your boss sounds nice." Jal commented. 

" Yeah he is. I like him." 

Jal laughed.

" What?"

" Nothing. I just expected to have a threesome with 'chelle and Tony before I ever heard you say that about someone who tells you what to do. "

" Oi, fuck off."

Jal propped her head up and looked at Chris questionably. 

" What?"

Chris huffed and looked Jal in the eye, bending down to inform her quite seriously. 

" If you and 'chelle are gonna be having threesomes with anyone it's gonna be me alright?" 

Jal rested her head back down and patted Chris on the stomach consolingly. 

" I promise. " she said soothingly. " But you'll have to get us to make up first though."

Chris shrugged. 

" Nah, I don't think I'll bother, I'm not big on threesomes."

" Careful. They might come take your man points away." Jal warned. 

" Fuck it, take 'em. I prefer twosomes any day."

* * *

At 3: 01 am a strange thought occurred to Chris. Luckily for him, Jal was wide awake too. 

" Jal?"

" Yes Chris?" 

" Have you ever actually thought about how weird toes are?" 

" Toes?"

" Yeah. They're fucking weird. I mean look at them - they're like gross, little, stubby deformed fingers. "

As if to prove his point Chris wiggled his own toes, where they were sticking out of the end of sheets. Jal looked at them too, and poked her own out for further consideration - tucking them under Chris's and nudging his feet with her own.

" Hm. Or the mini-sausages you get when you're a kid."

" Yeah! Or turnip roots."

" Or finger puppets."

" Or oven chips."

" Or dwarf dicks."

Chris pulled a face as another - stranger - thought struck him. 

" Do dwarfs have shorter dicks than other people? I mean - is it all small? Or are they really well endowed? You know, for dwarfs. "

Jal yawned and nuzzled closer into Chris's chest. 

" I've never fucked a dwarf Chris, I wouldn't know."

" I should ask Tony." continued Chris out loud. 

" Why? Has Tony fucked a dwarf?"

" Nah, but I bet he knows one."

" Could be a female dwarf."

" Could be a dwarf tranny."

" Mmmnnmm, not possible." disagreed Jal. 

" Why?"

" Well that's just fucking mean - you can't be a dwarf and a tranny. God wouldn't allow it. "

Chris laughed, and leaning down he placed his mouth on Jal's neck and blew a loud, large, wet raspberry. 

Well, if she wasn't ticklish he had to make her squirm somehow.

You know, besides doing _that._

* * *

At 4:37 am Cassie arrived home, with a bang and a crash. 

" Did I tell you - Cassie's got a new conquest. " 

" Really, what's this one called? Zebediah? Ish? Chuck?" 

" Stanley. " 

" How old's Stanley then?" 

" Dunno, I only saw him the once. "

Sadly, Jal wasn't surprised in the slightest. 

" He had a beard. " Chris added helpfully.

" He gone now?"

" Guess so. He stayed over Wednesday but he hasn't been back since. "

" Hm. Wham, bam, thank you Stan."

Chris laughed loudly and Jal shushed him with a kiss, as Cassie stumbled her way across the living room outside. 

* * *

At 5:56 am Jal had a nightmare about cars and headlights and Chris wrapped his arm around her waist and held her hand. 

He didn't wake up the entire time. 

* * *

At 7:27 am Jal's phone rang. 

Chris woke before she did, moving from his position sprawled across her, to look through the ajar folding doors and down the side of the bed. Where on the floor, lay Jal's bag, and inside her noisy phone. 

Propped up across his sleeping girlfriend, Chris told it to "ssshh" harshly. Reaching down and plucking out the Nokia, he rolled over onto his back, flipped it open and answered in a cheery whisper. 

" Jal's phone. Who's calling?"

"Chris? What the fuck are you doing with Jal's phone? "

Chris blinked and sat up. 

"Oh, hi Michelle. "

Down the other end of the line Michelle sighed wearily. 

"Where is she Chris?"

Chris glanced down to his prone, naked girlfriend lying next to him. She was tangled in his duvet covers, which luckily for him were only covering up to her waist. He didn't actually use the duvet much - got too heavy for him at night. And got in the way of other stuff too. 

"Well, she's right here actually."

"Well can you put her on please?" Michelle mimicked. 

"Uh - you sure?"

They hadn't slept for much of the night. In fact Chris was pretty sure that he had only drifted off about an hour ago. He could only imagine how tired Jal would be now. And how pissed if woken. 

"Course I'm fucking sure." Michelle answered impatiently. 

"Well … it's just she doesn't like getting woken up first thing in the morning. "

"What?"

Chris shrugged nonchalantly. 

"Alright, on your head it be. "

Chucking the phone on the bed Chris leaned over, his head hovering close to Jal's sleeping face. Blowing out slowly he breathed lightly across her nose, then nudged it slightly with his own. 

In response Jal wrinkled her nose back, and smiled a little in her sleep. 

Chris tried poking her next; once lightly on her cheek, secondly on her nose, then sneakily, with his other hand, in her back. 

"Jal - _Jal_?" 

This time Jal wrinkled her nose again, but out of irritation. 

"_Chris_ - 'm'sleep. " she grunted. 

Chris laid his head in the crook of Jal's neck and murmured into her skin. 

"Mmm, Michelle wants to talk to you. "

" Mmmm - wait, what? Where?" 

Jal sat up sharply and looked around, her morning hair in disarray. 

Chris put a hand on her shoulder and pulled her back down. 

"Nah she's on your phone."

Jal turned and raised an eyebrow at Chris. 

"And you answered?"

Chris smiled back apologetically. 

"Didn't wanna wake ya. "

Jal returned the smile, but shortly. 

"_Chris_, sweet, but unhelpful. " She held out her hand. "Pass it over then. "

Chris complied, and grinned as Jal pressed the phone to her ear and grimaced at him. Clearing her throat she sat up straight and addressed her friend on the line. 

"What?" 

"Jal - what the hell's going on? Are you and Chris fucking?" 

"Yes, we're _together_ if that's what you mean." Jal replied tightly. 

"When the fuck did this happen?"

Jal shook her head at her best friend's hypocrisy, momentarily forgetting Michelle couldn't see.

"I could've asked the same thing about you and Sid. Oh wait, no I couldn't. Because you forgot to tell me didn't you '_chelle_? " 

Down the end of the line Michelle fell quiet. 

"Jal, that's not fair."

"Yeah well, it's early, and you woke me up, so right now I don't give a shit. Bye. "

Jal snapped her phone shut and without any regard for it's welfare, chucked it through the folding doors, where it dropped out the other side and onto the floor. 

Chris watched her as she flopped back onto the bed, exhaling loudly and running a hand across her forehead. 

"You alright?"

Jal stared at the ceiling with pursed lips.

"Yeah, it's fine. She's just pissing me off right now. "

"Anything I can do to help?"

Jal turned her head to look up at Chris, who was staring at her in earnest concern. Smiling affectionately she reached up with a hand and ruffled his bed-head hair. 

"Nothing you're not already doing. "

Chris grinned at her. 

"Ace. "

And in one swift movement he grabbed her wrists and rolled her over him till they were on the other side of the bed, and he was lain on top of her. In retaliation she broke one hand free, and started running it up and down his side, laughing as he squirmed under her dancing fingers. 

* * *

At 9:00 am on a Saturday morning Jal wrapped Chris's sheets around her, and headed to the bathroom; leaving Chris spread-eagled and starkers on his bed. 

He didn't move. 

It was only when Cassie ran across the apartment and burst through the garden door to throw up, that Chris woke, as the cold draft that entered made it's way over to him. 

" _Shit!_ "

Grabbing his balls Chris ran past a dry-heaving and spluttering Cassie, and reaching his bathroom door started hammering loudly. 

" _Jal!"_

" I'm in the shower Chris!"

Chris couldn't hear over the sudden rush of water.

" What?"

" _Shower_ Chris!"

" Oh! I mean, oh - right."

Chris stepped away from the door. Standing awkwardly in the hallway he returned his hands to his crotch, and tried to cast his mind back to the direction in which Jal had chucked his clothes last night. 

" You coming in then or what?"

At the sound of her voice Chris turned to see Jal wearing - well, not all that much - and peering at him through the bathroom door. She looked him up and down and smiled.

" Since you're dressed for the occasion and everything. "

Chris grinned, and grabbing his girlfriend's hand followed her to the prospect of rushing water and a lot of soap. 

He really fucking loved twosomes. 

* * *


End file.
